Sheldon's Dream: The Singularity and Uploading Your Mind to a Computer

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So, the famous Doctor PhD. (Phy.) Sheldon Lee Cooper wants to live long enough to experience the privilege of uploading his marvellous intellect to a robot. While this sounds ridiculous to some, for others, it promises immortality. But what does the circuitry look like inside an artificial brain? How does artificial intelligence operate? What does a robot dream about? Is my laptop yearning for a prostitute’s warm embrace? How big a hard drive will you need to upload one brain? Will I spend an eternity inside a machine somewhere, trapped, immortal and still wondering where I left my keys? Can I take my wife with? Does she want to come? Will we be able to come? Will Google supply us with virtual condoms, so we do not overpopulate the server farm with little skeptoid subroutines? Will my virtual totty be big enough? Will my stoopit head get an upgrade, adding some of that artificial intelligence to my own ignorance? Will they implant me with an APP that trusts my government? How much cleverer will I be? Will I be a good citizen, friend, lover? Will I ever find my keys? How artificial will my intelligence be?

The term ‘Artificial Intelligence’ is not grammatically correct. We shall not go into the definition of intelligence here, that argument has filled many books with no agreement on what intelligence actually is. Listening to the geeks waiting in line to upload their gonads, however, you may believe that we just need faster memory and parallel processing. The idea is that, sooner or later, computers will exceed the human processing speed, and that will pass the Turing Test, and then Sheldon can retire to a hard disk in Tampa Valley. Or sumpfink. Even Penny should see the flaw there… What is the Turing Test, by the way?

Young mister Turing was a veritable genius who laid much of the groundwork for what we call computer programming these days. True to genius, his machines were simple but impressively er, lifelike in behaviour, in the sense that they did things according to predetermined rules, instead of random actions or pure repetition of designed function, such as clockwork. When asked to define a successful artificial intelligence, Turing is said to have described a scenario:

Imagine three separate rooms, interconnected via sound; each can communicate with the other two, but there is no way to identify the other speakers, other than having a conversation. In one room, there is not a person, but a computer, programmed to converse with the live persons in the other two rooms. Turing says that, should you not be able to identify the robot correctly by having a blind conversation, then the robot must have displayed enough intelligence to fool a human, therefor it passes the test for artificial intelligence. Frankly, I cannot think of one single ‘Public Figure’ that would pass the Turing Test, they operate purely on pre-programmed agendas, and they count the cost of nothing but their own profits. They also loop very easily; beyond viva democracy and state security reasons, they say the same things over and over and over.

In 1982, I was given a Spectrum computer, a little black plastic box the size of an American sandwich. The hard drive was my cheap knock-off Sony Walkman, the modem required the purchase of two suction cups to fit onto the ring-dial telephone’s headpiece (handpiece, earpiece, what did we call that thing you held up to your head?). There was no Internet, you phoned you pal and asked him to send you a file ten, twenty, even forty kilobyte long. It took hours, sometimes. The first program I ever typed into that machine, was a sample that came in a booklet of programmes. You physically had to type each command in BASIC, hours and hours of typing, and when I was done? I had a black screen, white letters, and via my keyboard, I could have a conversation with my new computer! Wow, Artificial Intelligence!

By that afternoon, I was fully aware that my new friend has a very limited vocabulary, it has nothing new to say, and after you have read all sixteen sarcastic retorts to make you retype sentences until it finds known phrases to respond to, I started adding to the program. This lasted about two days, when I finally realised: This thing will never be more interesting than what I am, it cannot be funnier, it cannot say anything I have not thought of teaching it to say… Artificial Intelligence, I decided, is like artificial strawberry flavour: You can improve on it forever, but it will never be strawberries. Artificial intelligence is merely a machine programmed to answer you as cleverly as the programmer could teach it to, and that is not necessarily clever enough to keep me company. I did not know the word ‘heuristics’ then, but I read enough public dissertations on AI to understand where they are going with that:

Heuristics is a term that describes one of the ways were think we learn by observation of repetitive phenomena. If you live next to a train track, you soon learn the time schedule of train traffic. This is heuristics, getting used to the way things are, and using that repetitive nature of reality to interact with the universe. You know to get your fruit stall off the tracks before 14h34, when the Durban train comes through. Heuristics teaches you to get the job done before 14h34, every day, you roll your little fruit wagon off the railway line, wait for the train to pass, and roll it back out again. A computer would learn this in about the same time as a human, without the benefit of interconnectedness, such as receiving signals from the railway system to announce train movements. Where computers have the ‘advantage’, is their connectedness; the fact that it ‘knows’ the train’s arrival time with regular updates does not make the computer cleverer, just better informed. A human observer could use a phone to warn you, too, and have a decent chat while he’s at it.

One of the most obvious dangers inherent in this type of learning, is called Hubris. The train comes every day at 14h34, so I only start rolling my cart at 14h32, it only takes two minutes to remove my stuff from the railway track, relax! Then one day, the train comes one minute early… your mind got too clever for itself, and started predicting the future, instead of weighing possibilities, probabilities and inevitabilities, it started explaining the universe to itself in the limited language of its own experience. There is no reason to believe that machines will be any wiser than us, we are still trying to get a decent conversation out of it! Apple Corp. consumers are familiar with Siri, Google has Alexa, I do not know or care how many electrix friends they are selling already, but so far, the most intelligent behaviour you can expect, is when Intelligence Services use your clever device to spy on you. The idea is that your device will eventually learn your habits, vocabulary and desires, as this will automate the business of surveillance, de-radicalisation and marketing.

They want to know what you do, you sub-economic criminal scum you , how you think, so we can constantly de-radicalise your sorry ass by feeding you appropriate “suggested for you” Twitter hashes, and they need to know what it is you desire that costs enough to keep you in subservient debt forever. These three things are the holy grail of AI today. Except for the bit where the economy exists to impoverish us, none of this is kept secret. Facebook openly brag with every new filter they invent for their electric brain, so do the twatters and pinners and fumblers and reddiots. They have explained this in Congress, they openly explain the parameters they use to teach their AI. Mister Machine already knows, for example, that, if you bother to investigate facts that may differ from the official News, you are a radical that needs to be reported, your internet activity monitored and tailored to suit the punishment you deserve. This may range from slowing down the rate at which you may move data, your ease of accessing data, up to and including locking you out from any interaction with even your own data, which is virtual-murder. They do this for our own good, they say.

So, if Google is AI, and Facebook is AI, how will Sheldon upload his brain, then? He won’t. We as a human race, collectively, by subscribing to these AI platforms, by allowing ourselves to be monitored and tracked and impoverished, by describing our dreams and ambitions, our nightmares and fears, by divulging our perversions and preferences, so we are teaching the Google AI what it is to be human, or rather, that is the idea. In a reality that includes people who consider the human race to be a parasite on Earth, this  Google thing is disturbing. There are those who consider War to be a Human Failure, and they would love to get rid of it, so teach the AI how not to make war? Sexism, racism, all useless, to be eradicated from the machine’s reality. Child pornography and a continuous campaign to normalise prostitution and institutionalised violence, that seems to be very acceptable behaviour for AI developers, at least that is what one would think, looking at what YouTube allows and what it bans. Gang rapes of teenagers is just fun, while insulting Hillary makes you a dangerous radicalised subversive. Videos of old white men being beaten up on a sidewalk is news, black kids torturing a white retard is fun, showing the face of  a cop who just shot a black child in cold blood, is treason.

This AI, it won’t be Sheldon, or you or me, we will not each inherit a hard drive to live on, no, Google is ‘learning’ what it is to be human, so that all humans can be wiped out, and we still have the benefit of Man’s creativity. Google is trying to build up a profile of all human desires and dreams, because they think that will give them the benefit of human creativity. That is one thing a Hive-mind seems unable to do: creative and innovative individuality. As much as our masters hate humanity, they greatly desire our ability to compromise, crate, fantasize. Hives are emotionally dead and creatively ignorant, humans do that well, it is a cool talent for a species to have. This threatens our masters, we are continuously ascending to mastery of all we see, and we need to be eradicated, but how to preserve that precious creativity?

So now we are all working together to tell Google how to paint, we are telling Facebook how we masturbate, and we teach Twitter how to flirt. Sheldon will never live inside a computer, but Mark is sure his computer will write a proper poem any day now. Mark has no personality of his own, he censors anybody showing any personality, and yet he thinks he can program personality into his machine. This is the mentality of those who think themselves our betters. If Sheldon really was a genius, he would have understood this, but in real life he is but a character created according to a proven formula upon which all of Hollywood propaganda is built. Hollywood would like us to think we will live forever inside a computer one day, because Hollywood is in the business of eugenics. The sooner we all die off, the sooner they inherit the earth. Everybody thinks they are part of the meek to inherit the earth… beep!