VIP Protection Squad: Blue-Light Breker Bodyguards for Top-Notch Tourists?

South Africa’s 2016/2017 budget for education was around R340 million. The budget for the VIP Protection Unit, those arrogant, murderous psychopaths in black BMW’s pushing everyone off the highway like they have no respect for common citizens? The VIP Blue-Light Squad had a budget of 1,3 Billion bucks. Billion, four times the education budget, four times as much money spent on reckless contract killers as what we spent on educating our children for the duties and privileges of responsible adulthood. As usual, scandals about undelivered books, unqualified teachers and paedophile principals probably meant the budget was misspent, defrauded and misdirected, as is usual. The VIP Squad, on the other hand, reportedly managed to spend at least 5,5 billion rand in that fiscal period. We could, according to those who designed the original budget, we could have educated sixteen countries the size of South Africa for the cost of armed bodyguards for one parliament full of ministers?  Surely the mathematics for this is wrong? Unless…

It has been well reported that our parliamentarians have no concept of propriety, and will happily load the entire extended family onto first class flights all over the world, as advisors, personal assistants and every other excuse to get a free holiday. Not one of them seems intelligent or honest enough to realise that nothing comes for free, it is actual money they are wasting on their little officialised vacations, real money taxed out of real poor people with real need for more food and less taxation. We spend millions a year flying children, mistresses and friends around the world, but there is no money for education, agricultural assistance, rural development or healthcare. A hundred million wasted on vacationing is still chump-change compared to the five-and-a-half billion spent on VIP protection. What, these guys carry golden guns and shoot diamond bullets? So far we know of an old man on the highway and a couple of nursery-school kids that were killed in cold blood by these marvellous protectors of our VIPs, no assassinations have been prevented, no coup plots uncovered, just old men and little children seem to be a problem to our leaders’ security, and killing those were dirt cheap, so where is our money going to? Certainly the world is not filled with people who hate our politicians, duly elected officials performing their democratic duties as instructed?

Firstly, there is the question of these VIP soldiers’ heritage: Who are they, where do they come from, who do they really work for, and what precisely is their function? A hint may be had from that glory in the crown of Democracy, B. Hussein Obama, or as we know him around here; O’Bam-bam, the Nobel Peace Icon that proceeded to murder millions through inaction, support of genocidal regimes and the loss of public health services for hundreds of millions. Then him and his rabid bitch killed Gadhafi like a dog in the street, ha ha hah! A man like that takes his own security very seriously, and he never moved an inch without a full contingent of spooks around himself. Was it not odd, then, when he was questioned on the xenophobia Americans call ‘immigration issues’, O’Bammi started regaling us with a chat he had with his foreign bodyguard in the Limo on the way to where he was being questioned, some important do or another. Apparently the journalists on the scene heard only a heart-warming story of togetherness and egalitarian pride as told by that Great Orator, Brakkie Bam-bam, while the issue of a foreigner riding shotgun for the “mightiest man on earth” was totally lost in the wash of admiration the Great Leader commanded wherever he went. Why a foreigner in the car with the president? Then we remember the Swiss Guard, a brigade of specialist security officers that have served as guards for the Vatican for much longer than I can remember. Then one looks at the members of our own ruling Cacastocracy, and the reason becomes obvious: Any true patriot would have pulled the trigger on the corrupt rat bastards long ago, that is why they hire disinterested foreigners. We spend 5 comma 5 billion, bee, Billion, bucks on a bunch of foreign mercenaries, because our leaders are scared their rivals (sometimes in their own party) will have them killed before the next election. But not even the extravagances of our fat and fearless administrators can cost six humungous fortunes, what gives?

For some reason, South Africa is called upon to host an unseemly number of international conferences and meetings and weeks of discourse and so on and so forth. It has long bothered the Goy that the larneys who come visit us, are walking around with armed gorillas, apparently armed with anything from Tasers to guns to chemical aerosols from which you may or may not recover. Once we heard the story of 5,5 billion smackeroos, it became obvious that we supply (and pay for) their security, supplied by previously mentioned foreign guerrillas at our cost. That every dignitary in the world would so love to discuss lofty intellectual ideals under the African sun seems a bit ingenuous, thinking is best done out of the deadly heat, one would guess. Then we remember our projected status on the world map: No industry, no agriculture, no property. Manufacturing will happen in China, farming is only possible on huge American chemistry sets run by Monsanto, and we will do mining and tourism. Mining, mostly by machines, and tourism, which, in a country without industry and lots of unemployment, for us, tourism means prostitution. Grand hotels and midnight sidewalks full of underage girls and old, worn-out whores, competing for the tourists’ blowjob-change. The better people will have fresh children delivered to their five-star hotels, and then there are the children of the foreign diplomats:

Did you really think South Africa is the only country where the government treats the population like they are in the way of their fun? Do you think only our politicians take their kids on holiday for three weeks when daddy only has to speak once, for ten minutes, on taxpayer money? You cannot let George Bush’s granddaughter run around Cape Town without some kind of security, can we, VIP Squad is there. The Sheik’s wife needs to go suntan in Muckleneuck? VIP squad is there. All the embassy staff’s little darlings want to have a bonfire party on Main street? Who do you think is gonna look out for them not to get touched by poor people? The South African VIP Protection Unit, staffed by foreign mercenaries for the benefit of foreign visitors, is costing us sixteen times as much as we budget for educating the entire country. Instead of teaching our children, we sponsor holidays for the rich and powerful. Instead of building schools and universities, we pay for parties where the children of the famous snort coke and spike heroin under the watchful eye of foreign soldiers. Instead of improving our country, we spend money for the queen’s grandchildren to have orgies with Nigerian gunslingers.

Another issue with all the money we spend on armed companions for every sod that comes visit our shores to look down upon us is this: Are we carrying the cost for our VIP squad only, or are we carrying a percentage of the entire world’s VIP gorillas? If we are supplying gunslingers for the drug-fuelled orgies of bored diplomatic families, then why are we paying to transport these gun-monkeys all over the world? Do other countries not also maintain a brigade of bloodthirsty child-killers that push pensioners into roadside ditches for fun? Do they not supply our wonderful dignitaries with the same trigger-happy hospitality? Why must we fly our valuable VIP toy-boys around the world? Are our great leaders not also protected by their guest governments on their skiing trips and resort-punctuated tours and fact-finding intermissions? Do we employ the only militarised boy-toys to protect the Big Boys and their families from each other? But then again, us South Africans are world-renowned for our hospitality. Or maybe, just maybe, that 5,5 billion really just got spent on booze and jewellery and cherries and first-class tickets every-when. Maybe the Clinton Clan do bring their own armed guerrillas on holiday. A bunch of heavily-armed foreign gorillas with diplomatic immunity and access to the palaces of our nation. That should save us some money, then….

Viva VIP Protection, Viva! May your black vans and blue lights clear the highway of useless eaters and working-class scum all the days of your lives. Viva, VIPs, Viva, here’s the rest of my frigging pension, go blow it on blow for your Niggerian gun-monkeys.