We breed totally and completely free range, no pampering, wild running bug eating mouse gobbling Bosvelders.

Of all the things this article will one day tell you, let this be the first:

Don't let your chickens sit in a heap soiling themselves, and never, ever, collect their waste for any reason other than to get it as far away from your chickens as possible. Free ranging chickens are much happier and healthier than anything you buy, but the meat is certainly tastier, but also much tougher.

The ultimate all-terrain transport. The best friend you can have. A ton of muscle that allows you to drag it around the world.

We have four horses. Correction; we have two horses, a pony and a miniature horse. We always have to explain, the tiny thingy is not a Shetland pony, it is a local South African miniature breed horse, whereas that hulk of muscle over there, the highly trained Cowboy Showhorse (don't ask), that horse there just about three centimetres lower at the shoulder than the two other horses over there? Well, those three centimetres is the only difference between a horse and a pony. The only difference, promise, there is a specific shoulder height for a thoroughbred horse, and anything shorter is called a pony. Now you know, too. We also have two donkeys, very interesting animals, indeed. You want a free horse? well...

Take it slow, but remember every single step; you may need a shortcut when there are tomatoes to be had.

We have a few tortoises who visit us from time to time. They roam free, but return regularly to come "harvest" the seasonal delicacy. The biggest, Tuirtz, was brought here from a place where he shared a garden with a big dog. The tortoise was a walking knaw-bone, he was oozing blood through his shell. One of the many reasons why keeping wild animals as pets is such a bad idea, it being illegal is not scary enough for some people. He was rescued (bought at a price the guy could not refuse), and brought to us for treatment. We knew nothing about tortoises, so we cleaned up best we could, and put it in a safe place outside. After a few days, he was healing well, chomping down my garden I just managed to dig in. We kept him safe for winter, by spring he took to the road hungrily, and returned a few months later, probably by accident, but I think it was for the tomatoes.Tortoises go apeshell for a tomato. And dandelions. A tortoise will eat a dandelion patch into the ground before you notice it moved.

Budgies; the colourful clowns of cageland.
Budgies are actually pests in some parts of the world, where they swarm in huge numbers, damaging crops as they migrate around their territory. To blame are the feral birds that managed to survive long enough to find sanctuary in a flock, there to breed like the flying mice they are. In general, a budgie's bright colours, noisy habits and general inability to fly well enough after a life in a cage, means they do not survive. Every other territorial bird it encounters, will bully it, and every predator wants to taste the brightly advertised snack. When you are running all the time, there is no time to eat and rest, and you will soon die. Don't release unwanted birds, even if the poor thing survives, it will only end up being a pestilence for some farmer.
That said, budgies are small agile birds that can get enough exercise in a relatively small cage. At Greenpets, relatively small means you can't walk in upright carrying two buckets without bumping anything. Relatively small is where you keep something you plan to provide with proper habitat sooner than later. Relatively big, on the other hand, can mean anything more spacious than the tiny wire jail they sold you your pet in. Sometimes just opening the cage and letting the poor thing fly around a bit makes me feel better already. One has to be careful though, sometimes the animal you want to teach some love, was taught some serious fear and hatred when young. Budgies are like that. Some allow you to handle them, especially the ones who know you from birth. New arrivals tend to visciously knaw on your fingers. They are quite strong biters, budgies are.
In general, budgies are very easy to keep, and with a bit of proper interest, you can keep them healthy and happy quite cheaply. See further down this page for all sorts of interesting things you can feed your budgie, you might be surprised to know where so-called budgie seed comes from. No, budgies are colourful all by themselves, they don't bloom and form seed, silly.
Budgies breed easily enough if the conditions are right, and you can run out of space very quickly once they get going. Like mice, comparitively speaking, when compared to, for example, the rare Agnodusian Eagle that lays one egg every leap year provided April first is a Sunday. Go see the page on breeding, it should tell you enough to get going. Which brings me to that part of the article we all dread: the neverending bitching about Natural Living and all that. Right now, 2017, in Gauteng, you will find budgies for sale all over, but they are starting to show serious signs of inbreeding. I was made aware some fifteen or twenty years ago that a chap from Lenazia decided to corner the budgie market in Gauteng. He went around buying up every budgie he could find, and selling back into circulation only males.
I am told he made some pretty moolah by monopolising the entire budgie trade, but now Gauteng's budgies are so inbred, we sit with four grey budgies, and five yellow ones, of which two are albinos. Yellow budgies are rare but not strange, albinos on the other hand... Add to that the more frequent appearance of assymetry, disturbed feather arrangements, beak deformities... Gauteng's budgies are in trouble, and we at Greenpets plan to do something. To start with, we offer a budgie exchange. We have had very few takers so far, admittedly, it sounds weird that we would swop you for another budgie that looks nearly identical, but as we get budgies in from further and further away, we are surer and surer to find fresh blood. Unlike the Sultan of Crippled Budgies, we are not trying to get rich, we are trying to help a species being bred into disease and failure by people who insist on profit no matter what damage they leave behind.
Support the Greenpets Budgie Genome Diversification Programme. No, that is just a thought-up name, trying to sound impressive and knowledgeable when all we want is for budgies and people to feel free again.

Rudyard Kipling wrote a story about the cat that is free. It is a myth worthy of that great writer.
For our opinion on cats, please contact our owners. I do believe we are not allowed an actual opinion on cats other than what we think they should get for dinner, and breakfast, and snacks, and between snacks.
The occasional tooth-and-nail brawl and a leg over after the fight, now that's a cat's life. Do not ever think you own a cat. Life does not work like that, but if you really do well, and the cat thinks you are worthy, it will come when you call it. True, it only comes in the hopes of seeing food, but it comes. Many people think cats do not respond to their name, but actually they are morally quite advanced creatures. If they ignore you, it is because they are busy with higher things, and a mere mortal like you can wait until you are acknowledged. Cat language is a very personal thing, and the more we learn, the more proof we find that cats might be interplanetary visitors, stuck here after a dog they were buzzing bit their spacecraft thinking it a frisbee. Dogs were bigger in those days.
Cats are not really trainable. What you do with a cat is to raise it according to strict and steady rules. Cats do not respond well to violence, and they can rip holes in you that may leave you surprisingly bloody and long in healing. A happy, fulfilled cat, on the other hand, has amazing cognition, and knows exactly what you expect of it, and how far it can push you before you catch on. Mistake you not, a cat will manipulate you the way your mom did, only you don't expect that from a dumb animal. Every master of propaganda will tell you that controlling your subjects depend very much on them not realising they are being herded along. Cats are master manipulators, and the term "as impossible as herding cats" actually has political undertones, a rebellious quip at the cost of our divine masters, CATS. They don't mind the insults, a billion ripped curtains, two billion tattered couches, three billion ripped and bleeding hands all prove that cats don't mind violence, and you will pay for every misstep against felines.
There has been suggestions that a cat's whiskers operate like dowsing rods. This is why they can detect a mouse other side of a wall, or in a hole. I am not aware of any further research into the matter, but that is hardly surprising. Before your mind can even contemplate designing such research, you have to bend your beliefs around two obstacles: Intelligent, concious and metaphysically aware animals, and the existence of a folklorish superpower of finding things by pointing a stick in random directions. Somehow, i don't think the chappies at Cambridge will take time off their pederast party schedule to research such obvious nonsense.
Until that situation changes, please read the article on cat behaviour, it mentions six different but distinct and recognisable ways your cat ignores you.
The last issue is that of cat collars. At Greenpets, we understand that some people actualy tolerate collared pets better, because they obviously have owners. Like humans, cats are also victim to classism and disrespect by those who consider themselves priviledged-by-right. An aristocat with pretty collar gets a treat and a rub, poor streetcat gets the boot and boiling water. In neighbourhoods like that, it is best to clearly collar your cat, but beware: Thousands of cats get throttled by collars caught up in obstructions the cat was jumping over, in essence hanging the cat by the neck until dehydration and exposure kills it. If you are going to collar your cat, make sure the cat's weight is enough to break that collar loose, okay? Cat biltong tatses like cruelty. Maybe that is what jerky is made of.

 

 

Dani took these just hours after she was given her first real camera. These have been severely underpixelated for quick and cheap loading on your browser, of course. It shows a common house fly in the ever-tightening grip of a sundew plant. Just to have some photos on the photographic page…

Here the fly gets trapped by the sticky juices

 So, you want to keep some chickens. Maybe you already know where to find a chicken. Like puppies, they are a dreadfully compelling thing in a shop window. Maybe you should read this too, it may have something new to say about where to find chickens. Firstly, what kind of chicken are you looking for? How do you want to keep it, and most importantly, what do you want to do with that chicken? I guess your first answer has something to do with eggs. You are, of course, aware that only girl chickens lay eggs, and there are no boy hens. You will need at least one hen. If you want to have a rooster as well, take note of two things: 

You are not allowed to keep a rooster within city limits. The darn things crow at ungodly hours, your neighbour will contact you, and he’s not likely to be in a good mood after a ruined night. 

A rooster is too much man for one hen, get at least four hens, or five, they can share the abuse and survive the constant, umm, you know.

 Anyhow, where to find your chickens. Most pet shops on the outskirts of any town will keep some fancy ones. Many people actually want pretty chickens, and there are some real pretty chickens out there. Showgrade exotic chickens can cost a bundle, and many are quite useless as egglayers, and their meat poor, so do some research on that special breed you so much want. Those are really best bought at shows, from the people who show them. Like all thoroughbreds, there is a lively community to help you. For the common man, I say you go to the nearest smallholding. If they do not have extras to sell, they will probably know someone who can help you. Unless you know how to sex chickens, I suggest you get mature ones, who are easy to differentiate; hens do not have a hard, pointy bone thing sticking out just below their knees, which bend backward. It is called a spur, and it can hurt you bad.

 Another warning about buying chickens: the real professionals, who ‘produce’ six thousand eggs per shift, they do not have any roosters, because they do not need them to eat expensive feed. Roosters are separated at very early age, and ‘made away with’. Apparently the modern way is to gas them en masse. Some are rescued, or rather, sold off to unscrupulous vendors for mere cents per live chick. These very handsome young fellows then end up as bona fide merchandise on the corner of every peri-urban community. Given they were bred to grow fast, they have some value as meat, if slaughtered early and tender, but you will never get an egg from a roadside cardboard chick tray roosterlet.

 Another ready source of live chickens is the hens from the same egg factory. Battery hens are fed a cocktail of hormones, supplements and antibiotics to speed up the production of eggs and to stay alive in the severely unnatural confines of a wire cage. These hens’ production rates are carefully monitored, and hens beyond the age of profitability requirements are ‘done away with’. At least this time, they tend to be sold off to be slaughtered. It is possible, from certain factories, to buy these hens at fair prices. The easiest source for these chickens is Saturday Morning Pavement Market at any informal settlement. Do be aware; these chickens lived on a cocktail of hormones, supplements and antibiotics. If you do not continue feeding them this chemical smorgasbord, you have a guaranteed mortality rate after two days of 60-100%. If you can pull them through, you have another day or three to teach them to eat normally. This can best be done by putting a piece of fencing between the (by now exhausted and weak) chicken and her bowl of seeds. They seem to understand the stuff on the other side of the wire cage is food. Water is also a problem, as their beaks are likely to be malformed by the steel nipple they drank from all their lives; make sure there is some moisture in their first food.

 At Greenpets, we made all these mistakes and more. We know how to get those chickens through their initial shock, we save most, actually, but we don’t bother anymore. They never learn to breed, raise chicks, run from predators… they are too stupid to keep themselves dry, and most importantly, the genes:

 Last statistics I heard was that the two most popular strains of battery chickens in South Africa have between two and four allele pairs relating to immunity and disease resistance. Two or four, normal farm chickens have twenty and more pairs of immunity alleles. Battery chickens are not bred to survive nature, and freeing them is an expensive and mostly doomed exercise. Eating them, well now, that is now your informed choice. Genetically degenerated meat raised on a cocktail of hormones, supplements and antibiotics, yummy.

 To sum up: Get a box as big as your car will hold, and take a drive through your any neighbourhood you see chickens running around. Like with all other business transactions, there are always sharks, but this seems to be the standard rule: you will pay per kilo, live or dead, for just about any edible animal on this earth, including some creatures you would never expect on your plate. Chicken meat prices available from your nearest shop, a very large chicken can weigh four kilos, but two kilos is considered fair deal on the average hen. The chicken at your supermarket is not a good guide, because after all the growth hormones and all that, you still have to add one last ingredient to your factory chicken: Salt water, at least fifteen percent, injected into the chicken ‘for flavour and softness’. You are paying forty-what per kilo for salt water! Those chickens weigh 1,5 or 2 kilos in the packet, real chickens are lighter after slaughtering.

 One last consideration before you buy chickens: they attract predators. All kinds of hungry feet will find their way to your chickens, trust me, so newbies beware, buy three or so at a time, until you have been robbed enough to have learned the somewhat specialist trade of chicken security. This is of importance when considering your family’s security.

 

There is no warm-blooded animal on the Greenpets farm that dislikes honey. There is no substance, no matter how distasteful, that cannot be fed to an animal, provided it has enough honey in it, on it or around it. A dollop of honey at the bottom of a drinking bowl is motivation enough for a dog to slurp trough the bitterest medicinal tea, for is the treasure under there not worth the bit of goo I have to lick out of the way? Of course it is, it is pure, raw, unadulterated non-irradiated food of the gods, and I’m gonna get me some.

An easy recipe for a passable skin cream

Collect Aloe Vera gel as described in the HERBAL. The amount of gel you collect determines the quantities that follow:

Half as much aqueous cream. Choose any brand you are comfortable with, we recommend you research some of the additives on the labels. Avoiding them is an exercise worthy of any holist, but everything comes at a price.

Water, distilled battery water is okay, also half as much as you have aloe gel.

Put all this into a liquefier that has been sterilised with a bleach solution. Let it run at top speed until everything turns into a stiff cream. Bottle in sterile container, use like any other cream.

March 2017, and it has been declared ‘ethical and legal’ to modify the DNA in a human “for the prevention of potentially fatal diseases”. In other words, you can, if you can afford it, order a custom-designed baby. My first reaction is to laugh at the Cape wine farmer breeding him a football star. It will start there for us plebs. The most interesting question I have to ask about that aspect of it is: If technology –and law- now allows a common businessman to clone himself a football star, how long has the ultra-rich been doing it, and how many clones of Hillary Clinton are there really?

Okay, that is just speculation supported by unquestionable public records, let us not go there, what I really want to know is this:

Are we going to breed Super Superior Sportsmen and Cannon fodder,

Or will they use it to make Football Fans and Federal Foot-soldiers?

Because we already have way too many of those.

Just sayin’…… And if they are Roundup-Ready, we can expect "organic" humans to be replaced within a few generations. Roundup is now so deep into the food chain, it is showing up in mothers' milk at levels far higher than those published as safe! So, we will die in pain, because the cancer medication has been proven a extremely efficient way to bankrupt record numbers of pensioners in recent years. So, first we spend all our money, plus credit, just to afford the poisoned food, then we spend all the credit we can scrounge on "health care", and in the end we die poor, in pain, and with nothing to leave the kids. If you had the money for one of those GMO kiddies, you would not understand how people cannot afford to look after themselves. Those are the ironies of today.

Dopeheads the world over are celebrating their victory over The Man; Cannabis is being decriminalised in more and more places, and in South Africa, the police have been told to leave ‘personal use’ growers be. The limits of this new freedom is sure to be tested in the next few growing seasons. From the GREENPETS viewpoint, the average grower has two serious considerations before starting that plantation:

  1. If it leaves your premises, you are dealing. If people pay to come visit you, you are dealing. If you extract any direct financial benefit from your plantation, you are likely to be treated by the law as a dealer. You do not want The Law to treat you as a dealer, trust us on this one.
  2. If you allow kids access to your cannabis at any time during the entire seed-plant-dope lifecycle, you are likely to have your ears nailed to your ass, and deservedly so. GREENPETS strictly discourages adventures in psychotropics before the age of twenty-one, we would raise the legal drinking age if only we could. For this discussion, we assume an age of 18 as the cut-off, but would really prefer 21.

On the other hand, you may join most armies at sixteen…  my grandma got married at thirteen, I believe. But seriously, ganja growers have a serious problem on their hands now...

MINIMILLSM, in cahoots with Greenpets and Suprathjeneering, has the pleasure to announce professional 3D printing on the West Rand.

Printing in three dimensions has become an established technology, with a variety of materials, techniques and applications.

Sally walks past the dented steel roller shutters splattered with bad graffiti and misspelled slang terms for genitalia. She never noticed those before, maybe because she was too busy at the time. On her way to the station, Sally likes to play at ‘Fivers’, where every participant is marked by a green halo around the 3P tag hovering over them, or red, if their avatar has been ‘stripped’.  Sally’s Public Persona Pseudonym is “sally594_tj”. Every time she sees a player with a cool PPP like ‘angstor’ or ‘wackophobe’ or even just ‘I1u2cme2’ she regrets allowing the AI server to auto-allocate her a 3P name. Some people prefer to display their MAC addresses instead, but Sally has always felt that it is rude to walk around with an unpronounceable name. Not that she cares right now.

There are those who threaten us with second and third waves of “The Pandemic”. Baal Gates goes so far as to promise us pandemics with “higher fatality until we take notice” of him and his insistent desire to vaccinate us all with a vaccine that only he has the authority to approve. Of course, the first wave of Covid was already the “second wave”, but somehow every “news” pundit and “libertarian” webmaster has forgotten the first wave of infections Baal demanded we line up to have vaccinated en masse for. Do you, dear reader, still remember the terrible pandemic in 2018/19, when hundreds, okay, maybe not hundreds, but over a hundred children died of measles? Or did they? Remember how Baal gates and his friends demanded we all stand in line for his special injections? No? Maybe you missed our article on that one.

There is hardly any corporation on earth with the distribution capacity of Coca Cola’s. In fact, this distribution system has become so pervasive, Bill Gates wants us to believe he will save the world by spreading his poisonous vaccines The Coke Way. We shall not argue the merits of his poisonous cocktails here, but let us look at the so-called Coca Cola Effect, and pretend we have some evil drugs to disseminate. Just for fun, a laugh, a little chortle, if you will.

First, we ask how Coke has become so good at distribution.

1. Get yourself some sugar concentrate going.
2. Sterilise it. Keep it sterile from here on.
3. Add hops to taste. Other flavours maybe.
4. Cool raw beer down to 20
°C as quick as possible
5. Add yeast and close fermenter against infection
6. Wait a few days until all signs of life cease
7. Prepare for drinking by bottling or casking
8. Drink and enjoy a job well done
 

You want it to be more complex? Don't ask for trouble trying to make it complex, spend your energy and money on HYGIENE. Hygiene is your friend. Infections are your arch enemy. There are horrible things in the air we breathe, you certainly find out about them when you learn brewing! KEEP EVERYTHING CLEAN. This includes your equipment, your workspace, your tools and yourself. 

Of course there is some details to fill in above, for which I will provide cheap-to-load detailed articles. For now, here are the same steps in BREWERS' TERMINOLOGY:

Actual bearded dragons have large flaps of skin that screams "beard" at you. Jacky dragons have pointy scales in the beard region that change colour often, making their relatively tiny beards (compared to real Bearded Dragons) of some importance to the observer. There are various theories regarding the reasons and rhymes of the visual display of Jackies. Most of them are suspect, as I have observed exactly the same displays in quite opposite circumstances. Look, I am not some kind of expert, but look at the photos, see how my dragons live, and then I will tell you the little I have been able to surmise so far.

Well, your main concern would be to have at least two, and they being of opposite gender. Sex. Somehow the dirty word has now become the politely correct one, for "gender" has been corrupted to mean "publically presented personality". We digress. you need a boy and a girl who know they are a boy and a girl respectively and mutually. In jail conditions, they tend to wrestle a lot, and some blood flows, but more on that in the behaviour section. When breeding, we have seen BiBi get all excited, storm half a country mile to get to Slick, whereupon BiBi will jump on Slick's back, and there they lie for a minute or two. This does not tell the whole story:

Welcome to Greenpets. We are all about fresh, raw food, a healthy food chain, and fresh air. We are against over-processed over-transported overpriced plastic food, systemic poisons sold as everything from insecticide to baby formula, and the constant raping of the land by faceless corporations. To this end, we have simplified our healthcare regime into simple concepts: 

Natural Rearing: eat what you were built to digest, live where you have what you need  

Naturally Raw!: eat what you need, when you need it, as fresh and unadulterated as possible 

Natural Living: pursue your dreams, be free, and ask nobody to suffer need for your pleasure or profit 

Of course, we prescribe this for man, beast, plant, habitats, ecosystems, memes and deities. Even crystals have some form of life, we are very fortunate as a species to be clever enough to have figured that out.  

Newly born males may confuse you until their nostrils harden and starts discolouring. And there you have the single factor needed to sex your badgie: Males have darkened, blue to grey purple nostrils. There is a word for those nostril growths, you know? Anyway, females remain sort of pinkish cream all their life, and males become dark. That's it, you don't even have to open the cage. I must still see how this translates for the albino yellow ones...

Breeding cats. Why would you want to do that?
No, seriously, there are enough cats to go around. Unless you show some special breed, then don't breed. Rescue some poor sodden kitten somewhere close to you. People drown kittens just to save on the food, they will surely give you one. Buying a cat from a pet store only perpetuates the habit of some people to breed anything they can sell off before it starts eating solids. You end up with

We will get going on this page soon, there are more urgent needs, from an engineering point of view. For now, I need an article to publish, so I will give you an idea what to expect from MINIMILLSM.

The guy that can grind one bag of maize an hour for the cost of one meal, will soon be more important to human survival than the plant producing ten tons an hour using Frankenfood maize. We will supply you that small mill.

The guy that can weld iron in the mountain will always make a living, the engineers with salaries have contracts to fulfil. How do you weld with no electricity or fancy gas equipment? MINIMILLSM knows some tricks of import.

While the going's good though, we have technology at our fingertips, from analysing electronic circuitry to printing 3-D plastic objects to turning and forging and casting and interesting designs for off-grid machinery.

Most importantly, for someone who also thinks the world can be improved by a bit of cleverness, we help designers and inventors to realise their dreams by building mock-ups and prototypes. Sometimes it turns out the idea stinks to high heaven, but the cost of trying it was negligible compared to the temptation of trying to go into production straight away. Bad results can sometimes be more educational and informative than insipid successes.

We also know some of the big fish, in case you need the services of a manufacturer. You wanna play with sharks, we know some whales too.

Keep an eye on this space, especially if you are a home brewer or you keep small animals. Our first product lines will carry us on to the next level forever.

 Uhm, uh, here’s the thing; what herbs work for what? The field of medicine is rather, uhm, factionist. Each faction believes itself to hold the ultimate truth, and some factions even go so far as to persecute anyone with a differing opinion. Much like those religions that seem to have developed in and around the Middle East, Jerusalem particularly. Fascism is part of life, so we shall not judge. The point is, whatever I tell you about the workings of any sort of medication, might be totally wrong, it will greatly differ from most major dogmas, and I can be prosecuted, for I am not one of the Anointed. Persecution, on the other hand, is not the badge of honour, or the ‘informal’ qualification that some people think it is. Some people are called out for their views, and because they have little or no backup, they shall always shout ‘Persecution, I am right and you fear me, now you try destroy my life’s work.’ That is bull, most of the time. It does happen, though, but not very often, the average peddler of miracle cures usually is a charlatan out to get your money. There are exceptions, not many. What's our miracle cure, then?

Treating skin wounds start by diagnosing the problem. For this reason, we may divide this article into subsections according to diagnoses, or causes, or skin symptoms of a vast variety. Instead we will divide our treatments into two types: Dry wounds and wet wounds. Dry wounds may be distinguished by the fact that they are not festering or oozing some goo. Bleeding from a fresh wound is considered as ‘dry’. Dry wounds are best kept clean and dry and well aired.

At Greenpets, we have been hating and anti-preaching corn syrup for ages. We knew not why, but we empirically understood one thing: whenever we try talk to diabetics and their families, they think honey is sugar. Also, and this is where we started suspecting medical fraud on grand scale, these people were deathly afraid of feeding their kids fruit, because “it’s got too much fructose, that’s bad for diabetics”. Now, forgive us for being stupid, but fructose is a simple sugar. The whole thing of diabetes is a problem of converting complex sugars into simple ones, certainly, eating fructose bypasses the problem? No, fructose is bad, the doctor said so, and we know. These are the same doctors who tell them type2 diabetes is inherited. We know, you learn eating crap from your parents. Then we saw the ingredient labels increasingly listing something called high-fructose corn syrup. High-fructose corn syrup? What that?

If you are having a spot of trouble with your small generator or mower, here are some simple things you can try before you start stripping the entire machine, or send it off for someone else to strip for spares. As always with machinery, it is best to have an assistant, even if it just pulls on the starter cord for you once in a while...

 “They made Golems to do their work?”
“They were not Golems, old one.”
“A new abomination, then? A new species corrupted to perpetrate evil and torture the land?”
“No sir, not a new species, they are

So, the Pentagon issues an RFQ (request for quotation) to anyone willing and able to host their data “on the cloud”. For months, the news media was abuzz with speculation on the main contenders in the race; Microsoft, Google, Amazon. Anybody who has ever had a thought on things military, immediately asked “Pentagon data on an open, or at least privately-owned computer network? The ones regularly “hacked” and the personal data of millions of people stolen and sold into the criminal underground known as on-line marketers? Really? Can that be considered a safe way to handle the military data of the army supposed to protect the population?” We conspiracy theorists are so naïve, we actually thought the Military-Industrial Complex are going to put their secrets where we can find them. The truth turns out to be simpler, easier, so much more frightening!

There are any number of dorks on my teevee running around the countryside, chasing after reports of Flying Saucers and Little green Men and Mutilated Cows and Ancient Aliens.  Mostly, they just interview each other, as “world renowned expert” on some aspect of the chase or another. Managing to publish a book on the subject seems to be the sole criterion for qualifying as an expert, even if you mostly plagiarise previous writers on your chosen subject. After forty years of reading a string of these “exposés” and “shocking new theories”, I am not one wit closer to seeing a spaceship or being probed up the oochie by some tall blue chick from Arachschpootle-573. Could be I’m too ugly for them nasty ETs. Mostly, I think, it’s because most all UFOs are actually not even aircraft.

In the old days, we called them dragons.

At GREENPETS we have many success stories to tell about our experiences around animal health and well-being. For that we particularly thank Doctor Culpeper and the Gypsy Herbalist Juliette de Baiiracly-Levy. Both irreverent, witty and utterly dedicated to the first two principles of medicine:

FIRST, DO NO HARM

and

LET YOUR FOOD BE YOUR MEDICINE AND LET YOUR MEDICINE BE YOUR FOOD.

Let these be the thoughts foremost in your mind when judging our presentation of the facts as we understand them. We claim no infallibility, and we will try not to be nasty to other people's thoughts...

...BUT WE HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH THE TOXINS BEING PUT INTO THE FOOD CHAIN...

Put the dragon on the palm of your hand, tail pointing at your nose.

Lift the tail straight up so you can see the underside where it joins to the body.

You will see not an organ, but one or two bumps under the skin. If you see two parallel bumps, forming the shape of a vertical slot, you have a male. One bump horizontally is a female. Weird, but here's why:

You are looking at either the one set of ovaries, horizontally installed, or TWO penises, left and right, vertical and parallel. Go figure. Now remember, breeding is not heavenly magic, you need at least one of each of these to breed. It's how life works, until Monsanto gets to patent all the genes on earth.

WARNING: The information supplied here is for identification of common garden weeds. No-one should try replace or augment a doctor-prescribed medical course with a few helpings of herbs. There is no such thing as a dose of herbs. Only a qualified and experienced herbal doctor can prescribe you a dose of herbs, but those kind of doctors are very scarce in any country where Privatised health care is a thing. For the rest of us, with an interest in keeping healthy without being poisoned, herbalism is a lifestyle. Either you take medication for every ache and pain, or you denounce your role as experimental chemistry set, and try Natural Living, which is nothing more than to take responsibility for what you put into your mouth, nose and skin.

LET YOUR FOOD BE YOUR MEDICINE, AND YOUR MEDICINE BE YOUR FOOD


These are the plants we grow and use. The list is far from complete, but it contains only plants we grow, and use, and can vouch for. Some may strike you as familiar, many of them you may call weeds. Some are just useful for existing, like the sisal swordballs we plant along the fences to keep large animals off the yard. They feed the bees, supply nesting stumps for birds and you can make rope too. If that is not a useful herb, then at least call it medicine for peace of mind. I sleep better knowing no-one will get over my fence without crying out in pain.

We will keep adding to this collection of herbs. The photos are all from our own plants grown in our own garden. Some things we do not have photos of yet, like potatos. Yes, there is a good picture of a potato plant, but i did not take photos of the ones i planted, so i have to wait for harvest to upload an honest photo. For now, I drew you one just to have something there. Yes, yes, i could open a bag and photograph an onion, but that would not be a GREENPETS onion. Whatever we have in the Herbal, we can give you, even if we have to propagate for you especially. We have managed to aclimatise a number of exotics to the dry coldness of our area, an alternative to pampered potted pansies. GREENPETS, not greehouse. Greenhouses are the criminal penitentiaries of the plant world, free the weed!

Below is a long list of icons, with names and quick ideas of how to use it. The details are in the article you will find by opening the herb's particular read-more. We are also building an identification application to make it easier for you to identify plants you have. Sometimes the difference between a useful medicine and a useful poison is a few hairs under a seed pod. We will not even attempt doing fungi yet, the dangers of missing information are just too high.

For now, the pictures will help with identification, the paperwork is in the...uh...post?  Now read on, fellow traveller on the road to pharmaceutical ignorance, soon you too will look blank when people start swopping pain tablets in the office. Now go drink some clean water, that headache will diminish soon. or have you been eating junk again?

Breeding Budgies is easy enough.
First, make sure you have a proper breeding pair. This means you did not buy them from the same shop, in the same city or even anywhere in your province. Chances are you are buying brother and sister, or at the very best a great granddaughter and her late uncle's twice removed nephew who mated with auntie who got bred from her own middle brother. See the budgie introductory moan about inbreeding and bad budgie blood in Gauteng, and please don't join the monetised march to budgie martyrdom. ...Or any other get-rich-quick breeding scheme you have bubbling in your noggin. On the other hand, almost two percent of new humans are autistic, so poisoned blood is fashion. Don't do it, dear humane human, if you think the money is worth the pain, then

Cats are mamals. Lift the tail and look for cahoonies. If it has none, it is either female or neutered. Looking for the penis is easy enough if the cat allows you to flip it over. Unless it is your very own cat, good luck with that! See you in Emergency room. Males also have nipples, just like every other mammal, so  those are of no use when determining the gender of a mammal. Uhm, yah, most mamals actually don't have swollen mammaries unless they are breastfeeding little ones, so don't go there. Very young cats can be confusing, and a tomcat's penis can hide quite well. A bit of pressure just in front of the anus will expose any sign of male genitalia in kittens.

So, roundabout winter solstice, and I'm using the dry weather to lift my entire roof, to replace the rotten purlins. Winter on the Highveld does not make for comfortable picnicking on a tin roof, so phonecalls are not exactly appreciated. It's the wife, she must have urgent news. She has; there will be an eclipse today, can I please grab her camera and take some pics?  Yeah, right, that fancy toy of yours? But a  man has to try. I know how digital cameras work, technically, but I've never used a professional camera before. Better be safe, then. This is what I came up with:

8 March 2018, and the radio announcer tells me to clean out all processed meat and chicken products from my fridge, and return it to my nearest supermarket for a full, no-proof-needed refund. My first reaction was to wonder how much this will cost me in fraudulent tax subsidy claims. I also spent a moment smiling sarcastically at the wide geographic distribution of the processing plants fingered as being infected with Listeriosis bacteria. Granted, I never heard of this bacterium before, but something seems odd, almost like industrial sabotage, until you see the really big names involved: Enterprise and Rainbow, grand old dames of South African processed meats. I have since been informed smaller guys are also implicated. This suddenly makes the story conform to Protocol, let me pontificate:

Listeriosis is a bacterium, the chances that it  suddenly erupts over a wide geographical area leads one to suspect one of two things are happening: A specialist bacterium is being spread by some vector that has wide but specific distribution in a short time span. This may or may not be deliberate; the first assumption is that all facilities used the same contaminated ingredient. Because tests conducted over a wide area show contamination on various sites, it could also be that this bacterium is actually quite common, and could be found anywhere if you look hard enough. Both these scenarios require an underlying disinformation campaign, requiring not only that I take part in refunding millions of polony loafs even though I preach against that rubbish every day, but it also requires that we punish the perpetrating producers severely.

I am all for making every CEO of every sausage factory eat his own drek, but I am not in favour of closing businesses down on fabricated evidence, the way our chicken farms are being destroyed by the myth of bird flu. Remember that the Paranoid Goy is not a conspiracy theorist, this is not some faceless ‘Them’ knifing us in the back. This whole Listeriosis thing fits in perfectly well with the globalist agenda, it is not a conspiracy, it is just good business. South Africa has a long and proud agricultural heritage. To a Zulu, a cow is his hedge fund, a Xhosa can make sorghum grow on the moon, the very name ‘Boer’ is derived from the pride in farming well. The ‘Thems’ are trying their best to revive the old tribal and territorial wars, very often using the ownership of farming land as a political football. One would think that, in a modern world where Capitalism won the Cold War, that property ownership has to reign supreme, and it does, but here it gets weird:

The current debate over land ownership has nothing to do with racism, racism is merely the easiest tool a scoundrel can pick up anywhere. The land taken from ‘white supremacists’ will not be given to the poor and downtrodden emerging black farmers, it will be given to the Mines. Right outside my door, I look across the road at the most beautiful stretch of grazing you could imagine. Easier to imagine is ploughing (or not) that beautiful piece of farm and plant food. Sometimes, you can see a beautiful herd of cattle, gorgeous indigenous Nguni cattle, grazing lazily. Lately, this causes the owner to come rushing with a load of help to get them off the mine’s land, before the security guards go Vietnam on their hides again. Millions of hectares of perfectly arable land in South Africa is left vacant, because the mines refuse above-ground access to land with one far-off entrance to a perfectly secure mine two miles underneath. It’s not like the sheep will chew yer bleeding gold! But here lies the clue to the recent Listeriosis ‘outbreak’: they are clearing the land!

You see, dear reader, the Global Village is a wonderful place, where everyone lives happy and secure. In the Global Village, there is place for only one factory, one farm, one beauty parlour, one school, one Church, one God. As we all know, the factory is in China. The chocolates and fashion means nothing if it is not from Paris or London, Brussels or Poopaloopischtaden in Europe, the mines are in Africa, Australia and South America. The Farm is in North America. All your food shall be grown in America, your devices are made in China, we Africans will become miners or dance half naked for the tourists. At least our children will not die of hunger without their own farms, oh no, the masters of our new Global Village has long ago decided they want less than one billion people on earth. The ‘richest man on earth’ is going around saving the poor with ‘free’ vaccines, but he wants no more than 300 million people on earth. 300 million is less than 5% current population, he wants to kill off 7 Billion, SEVEN BILLION of us so he can feel secure and happy in the Global Village. His farm is in America, and  our chickens all have The Flu, and our factories are dangerously infected.

In my innermost paranoid heart, the least I suspect about this ‘epidemic’? Most of our meat already comes from America, after our wonderful government signed TTP, so did these guys import the same ‘mechanically separated meat’ from America? Just a wild guess, because all other scenarios tell me the whole thing is a lie to destroy our farms and factories as outlined in the text above. As a holist practitioner of autotherapeutics or something, I must also wonder: I have seen the reaction some people show the first time they overdose on MSG, is this not maybe an allergic reaction to substances the Americans consider edible, but has been banned or limited around here? The Great Pooping seems a clue…

Update 13 March 2018

As speculated above, it seems the polony casings were infected. Marks for the ‘single source’ theory. Does this explain anything? Nothing! How do you infect a long roll of plastic so badly? An entire batch of plastic wrapper, even? Listeriosis in a plastics factory? And where is this factory? Tiger milling (a monopoly player) has seen its share price drop, although it has been doing so for a while. They are a virtual monopoly, with interlocked shareholding in our entire food chain, so I expected them to become the chief importers from Farm USA, is this the first shot in a trade war? Watch this weird space to find out who the players will turn out to be. So far, apparently, they have killed 180 civilians.

Update 2020

Yawn. Being right is becoming so boring. PepsiCo now owns our food industry. That is part of the Monsatan group, I mean Bayer. The ones with Roundup and GMO's. The ones whose "Chief Evangelist" is Bill Gates. This is so dispiriting to me as a patriot, I cannot even gargle up some sarcastic commentary...

You cannot deny the urge, the urge that brings even Superman to his knees. Then, you sit down, and nothing happens. Some people have real difficulty getting going, and worst of it all is, the harder it gets, the harder it becomes, until you feel like stuffed death. If it gets real bad, your breath can start smelling real shitty, but mostly constipation leads to discomfort, then nausea, then toxic overdose and progressive disaster and flatulence. Pooping is not just for any a-hole, and modern life is making it harder.

During his election campaign, Donald Trump promised to overturn ‘ObamaCare’ within his first ten days of tenure. Not only did his eventual action take much longer, it is, by all accounts, no different for the poor folk. America’s health care system is notoriously unhelpful, while being the most expensive in the world. True, they have some of the best machines and techniques, but only if you can afford it. It is in the nature of Globalist economics that less people can afford enough food every day. The American health care system has been replaced by health insurance services supplied by investor-driven banking corporations. The biggest investor, JP Morgan, has recently gathered some notables to explain the dangers inherent in the new gene therapy technology emerging, with single-shot cures for a almost any disease you can think of. The meeting was called to point out the negative effect that effective treatments would have on the continued growth of profits in the pharmaceutical and health care industries. Disease makes a lot of money, and curing disease would be disastrous to the economy, so I guess we are stuck with expensive quackery for a while longer…

 Jenny looks at the orderly line of vibrating Styrofoam balls hovering just out of reach. She can see Jones from the corner of her eye, fervently adjusting parameters on his keyboard. The balls respond by changing formation, a bit like those acrobatic airplanes, only there are at least twenty, sometimes more balls flying in perfect synchronicity. Occasionally a number of balls would drop out of formation for no apparent reason, only for more balls to arise from the table, resulting in a different pattern to materialize as if out of nothing. These pattern changes could be subtle, almost indiscernible from the previous, or dramatically different. Jones keeps telling her something about sound waves, standing still in some locust or was that low keys but anyway there the balls all fall down and Jones is looking at her with a grin that says "was I a good dog ?"

“They say the Vedic Indians used this to move huge stone slabs to build their monumental temples and things.”

If the simple steps we described in the article on initial fault finding did not get you started, here is the second round of slightly more complicated checks. Have some tools handy... Follow the steps in order, missing one detail cann cause you to start all over again.

“You must understand, this system (of wealth aggregation to a few individuals) was not for a month, or a year, it is for ever. Eventually all this money will be competed out, and that’s when it will benefit everyone…(shrugs) …or something like that.” Jaimi Dimon, CEO of JPMorganChase, the “world’s most successful banker”, explaining to Congress the principle of Trickle-Down Economics.

We shall not discuss trickle-down economics here, we have a complete separate category where we make fun of the fables we are forced to live by. The thing is supposed to work like this: The more money the millionaire has, the more he spends, and that is when each of us get our share of his fortune. So, your duty is make sure the millionaire gets as rich as possible, because his wealth will trickle down to you. This has absolutely nothing to do with this article, except this one thing: America is gaining millionaires every day. Not only those who get rich in America, but the rest of the world’s millionaires are flocking to America. According to trickle-down theory, Americans must surely be the most prosperous people on earth, getting richer every day, no?

There is hardly any corporation on earth with the distribution capacity of Coca Cola’s. In fact, this distribution system has become so pervasive, Bill Gates wants us to believe he will save the world by spreading his poisonous vaccines The Coke Way. We shall not argue the merits of his poisonous cocktails here, but let us look at the so-called Coca Cola Effect, and pretend we have some evil drugs to disseminate. Just for fun, a laugh, a little chortle, if you will.

The Greenpets Triad of Hope:

NATURAL REARING

NATURAL LIVING

NATURALLY RAW!

If all seeds are patented, what will you grow without permission? Education has been declared to be Unsustainable. GMO food products are not suitable for any terrestrial diet. If you can sill afford it, it will give you cancer. We try to find solutions.

A licensed health practitioner would sell advice and nostrums on a page like this. We can't, but here are the things we use. If you find some reason to grow your own, or learn to make something, you may find a few useful bits of information here. Not well populated yet, we do more on our knees in the mud than we talk about it sitting down.

Dani and her Nikon looking at the world.

Purpose-built and innovative helpful structures

Emergency fault finding and repair for small motors, such as generators, lawnmowers and pumps.

Design and manufacture of plastic objects up to 250x250x270 volume.

Sometimes, the truth is just too absurd for words. Stories have many words one can borrow, new eyes, new ways of listening.

Every living thing is in an environment it shares with other organisms. Every living thing is an environment shared by other organisms. Every environment is a living organism.

The principles of conforming the diet to the digestive characteristics of man, animal and plant alike.

Our animals, your animals and all the things that makes life better for animals.

Everything we know about Dragons that might be useful to someone else.

Not those weird feathered flu-taxis that grow to slaughter weight in four weeks. Real chickens, free chickens that came dear.

The ultimate bug-out vehicle. Off-road, in water, and it can love you back. Also, they fart less than any SUV.

What life tortoise about snailosauruses

Keeping, Feeding and Breeding Budgies in Gauteng

Keeping, training, Feeding, Breeding cats in Gauteng

Gardening without modern poisons is a challenge, and understanding the lifecycle of your enemies takes some observation. This blog will eventually catalogue our attempts at poison-free farming for Naturally RAW! food.

the GREENPETS attempt at avoiding, voiding and overcoming the poisoned food chain.

The list of herbs at Greenpets. Identification and Propagation or at least how to keep it alive in Gauteng.

Right or wrong, good or bad, we have to eat. Everyone has to eat, and we are what we eat. Commentary and suggestions on important nutritional news.

The art of brewing, distilling and hydration of the body with the products thereof.