Some people spend more time on potty training their dog than they spend on their own digestive system. As other articles on this site point out, the digestive tract is a conscious entity, containing not only its own neuro-receptors, but also communicating with the brain on a dedicated communication channel, so to speak. Your health, your wellness, your mood, your very character is directly influenced by the goings-on inside that long, squiggly hole between your lips and your toilet bowl. Not pooping right can give you a shitty disposition…
Also, falling behind in the business of your behind, is sure to tax your liver, giving rise to lethargy and nausea, in other words, feeling shitty. If you keep this going for a long time, your health will definitely take a knock, and there is also a solid-looking theory that constipation, if allowed to ferment, sends a farty bubbly up your spine, to your brain, where it gives rise to shitty ideas. This may or may not be true, but why risk it, right? So take a dump every day, early as possible, before breakfast, and everything should be all right. Of cause, you are reading this because you are having issues and hoping we got some usable advice, so let’s get to it:
Are you drinking enough water? Dehydration can cause your waste to compact and harden slightly. Even more important is greens. Are you eating greens? You really should, and fruit also helps a lot to loosen the tummy. A waking-up coffee helps to get the day going, if you take my meaning. Make it a strong one, it really helps. Beyond coffee there is a variety of commercial help, none of which is beneficial in the long run. After fixing your diet, water intake and getting addicted to coffee, there is one more bit of advice to depart, the real reason for this article: Are you pooping in the right posture?
Here is the thing about sitting down and dropping the load: all modern toilets are made to standard. This may mean your toilet seat is not at the optimal height for your body to have a goodly poopy. First of all, do not hunch. Do not lean forward and squat on your own lap. Sit up straight, your back should not bend. Put something (like a brick) under your feet, so your knees are higher than your bum. I bet the Muslims have it very comfortably, I’ve seen their loos at petrol stations; like squatting over a hole in the bush. You don’t get much better than that, let me tell you! So, sit up straight, lift your knees a little, and BREATHE! This is very important, stop pushing your poop out by force; it just causes more stress to an already unhappy system. All the necessary force needed to evacuate the bowels comes from the diaphragm pushing from above. All other forms of ‘pushing’ compresses the guts in an unhealthy and counterproductive way, actually closing the passage down, rather than just loosening up and letting go.
Another thing is that the bladder also plays a part. When the bladder is very full, it constricts the faeces. When you are overstuffed in your poopchannel, your bladder cannot void. This builds into the classic bathroom emergency. Another thing you can try is to get up. No, really, you are stuck anyway, it’s not like it’s gonna all fall out suddenly, so get up, shake a leg, maybe do a squat or two. This often gets things going rather quickly, so don’t pull your pants up and be ready to sit down suddenly. The chances of pooping before you had a pee, by the way, are little.
The order should be as follows: A slight pee to top off the worst pressure, if needed, then the bowels should be free to move, and then you know you’re done when you have one last, good pee. Any deviation from this is bound to lead to trouble later. Try not to pinch things off in any manner or way, do not push, pull, pucker or whatever, just sit up straight, lift your knees , breathe deeply, and relax all the muscles in your body. It may also help to blow your nose, the internal pressure caused by a vigorous honk can be very helpful. If needed, get up and shake the body a bit, in a relaxation-exercise kind of way. Avoid stress, tension and forcefulness. These things, like medication and laxatives, may help in the short run, but in the end it just worsens the problem, and that’s a shitty idea, don’t you stink?