An attempt to stem the tide of genocide disguised as food and medicine.

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Treating skin wounds start by diagnosing the problem. For this reason, we may divide this article into subsections according to diagnoses, or causes, or skin symptoms of a vast variety. Instead we will divide our treatments into two types: Dry wounds and wet wounds. Dry wounds may be distinguished by the fact that they are not festering or oozing some goo. Bleeding from a fresh wound is considered as ‘dry’. Dry wounds are best kept clean and dry and well aired.

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You cannot deny the urge, the urge that brings even Superman to his knees. Then, you sit down, and nothing happens. Some people have real difficulty getting going, and worst of it all is, the harder it gets, the harder it becomes, until you feel like stuffed death. If it gets real bad, your breath can start smelling real shitty, but mostly constipation leads to discomfort, then nausea, then toxic overdose and progressive disaster and flatulence. Pooping is not just for any a-hole, and modern life is making it harder.

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An easy recipe for a passable skin cream

Collect Aloe Vera gel as described in the HERBAL. The amount of gel you collect determines the quantities that follow:

Half as much aqueous cream. Choose any brand you are comfortable with, we recommend you research some of the additives on the labels. Avoiding them is an exercise worthy of any holist, but everything comes at a price.

Water, distilled battery water is okay, also half as much as you have aloe gel.

Put all this into a liquefier that has been sterilised with a bleach solution. Let it run at top speed until everything turns into a stiff cream. Bottle in sterile container, use like any other cream.

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Athlete’s Foot is a terrible disfigurement and disgusting pestilence. There are many creams available, some more expensive than others, many of them actually work. The sad part, as always with industrial medicaments, is that the ‘better’ it works, the more likely something in there is not good for the body as a live ecosystem, a holistic whole. Anti-fungal medications are, by definition, deadly to fungi. The fungus family is well represented in the body, irreplaceably intertwined with the collective consciousness that forms the corpus humanus. The indiscriminate killing of fungi in the human body is never a good idea, and may lead to mental aberrations later on, like recurring feelings that life would be better if some young man kicks a ball at some target during some weekly ritual or another.

Luckily, the body comes with its own cure for athlete’s foot: a sulphurous concoction of uric acid and water. The easiest, safest, some say quickest (except for the very most ‘better’ expensive creams) way to treat athlete’s foot is as follows:

In the morning, before you do anything else, you usually have a pee, right? No? Then you are severely dehydrated, probably sniffle a lot, suffer terrible headaches, and you probably feel tired all the time while never getting to fall asleep properly. Drink some fresh water before you go to bed, keep some at your bedside, and have a good swig as you wake up. That should change many things for the better, and allow you to treat your fungal infection which probably found you an easy target, being all sickly and un-energised through lack of water. Anyway, your first task of the day is to get your fresh urine onto your infected feet. In the shower it is easy to pretend you are not being disgusting by standing inside the waterfall while treating your foot just outside the curtain of falling water. Once your bladder is empty, wait a while for your foot to dry before you pull it under the water to wash.

Another, slightly more or less disgusting method, is to pee in a container, then soak your infection while it is still fresh. Use a flat pan large enough to fit your foot/feets, pour the pee over, let it soak for a minute, go wash your foot. NEVER WASH BODILY FLUIDS WITH HOT WATER! Cold water will rinse just about anything your body can produce. Just use cold water to rinse your feet after treatment, promise, it leaves no stains, smells or sensations, but it will clear even bad infections within a week or two. After washing your foot, cover the sores with Sourfig and let dry before putting on proper clean cotton socks and dry shoes. Avoid all moisture build-up on your feet, and foot-powder is a good investment if you are going to insist sharing wet bathroom floors with strangers…

Walking barefoot is always better than tying your feet up in nylon, plastic and suchlike airtight coffins that allows no breathing for you skin. Also, your friends with bare feet are not likely to infect you with foot-eating fungi under the pretence of sportsmanship.

Good luck, hope you are not too disgusted. Promise it works, though, and here’s a little aside: the younger the person donating the urine, the better it works. The urine of pre-pubescent boys are considered most desirable, while the first morning pee of a baby boy is commonly applied to sties and eye infections. The spittle of virgin girls is another health aid in this class, but that we will keep for some other day.

 

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Cold sores are better prevented than cured. Never kiss anyone showing cold sores, do not con other people to kiss you while your infection is flaring up.

Cold sores are actually lesions caused by herpes viruses. Sometimes, when your immune system is under stress, a virus may overcome your defences and cause an area of soft tissue to become inflamed. Left to grow, it will eventually burst to the surface as a roundish, flat, wet, oozing wound. This sore may be an ugly reddish purple blotch just outside your mouth, or it might open inside your mouth, a swollen sensitive burning bump that keeps getting in the way of your teeth. This is usually how you discover the darn thing; biting your own inner lip to shreds.

Your first duty, as with all injuries, is to clean up the site. The outside is simple enough: you wash your entire face, because the fluids coming off that sore has a habit of infecting more places. Now seal up the wound with Sourfig, as follows:

Break a finger off the sourfig plant, lightly squeeze the torn end to produce some free juice, then lightly dab the sore with the juicy end, ONCE. Carefully nip off the open end of the leaf, because it is infected. Squeeze again for juice, dab once on the sore, covering more of the wound, nip off the leaf. Repeat this until the entire wound, and at least half a centimetre around it, is covered in a thick layer of juice. This will quickly harden into a clear, invisible skin that is not only disinfectant, but will keep all sorts of dirt off the wound, preventing scars.

Blisters inside the mouth are somewhat more difficult. First, do your best not to bite the sore continuously. Secondly, keep your mouth clean of al sugars and starch, that is what fungus eat and thrive on. The good news is that your body replaces the inner lining of your mouth extremely quickly, so scrub that thing clean, then keep your mouth clean, and the saliva should eat that blister away within a day, two at most. Of course, eating right, with proper nutrition, and lots of fresh fruit and greens to scrub the mouth is important.

Once the wound is clean and dry, you next step is to recharge your immune system. You will know your immunity has increased when the cold sore starts clearing up. The more you do to restore your health and wellness, the quicker the ugly thing will disappear. Wellness is about eating right, drinking plenty clean water, productive exercise, such as fetching on foot what you usually start the car for, or weeding the garden yourself, or just fixing the kid’s bike. Being productive is good for the human soul, and wellness includes happiness. Cold sores are as likely to appear in times of emotional stress as in times of physical weakness. Once again; wellness is about eating, drinking and working clean. What you eat, your state of electrolytic mobility (hydration) and your activities have immediate and provable effects upon your brain, hormones and psyche, while the condition of your psyche has no other manifestation than your physical body and what you accomplish with it. We are what we eat…

 

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I tell you now about a reviled weed, infesting the lawns of the respectable garden-proud gardener who deserves respect for his lawn in his garden. Phooie, I tell you! I am here to extoll the virtues of a flower so wonderful, so magical, so magnificent and glorious, it survives despite the best efforts of the murderous chemical-strewing lawn-slavers of the garden elite. I tell you about Taraxacum Officionale. I tell you about the weed of the Lion's Teeth, I present to your mind's eye, (oh, sorry, there's a picture over there), the mighty, the great, the uncontested medicinal weed...

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There is no warm-blooded animal on the Greenpets farm that dislikes honey. There is no substance, no matter how distasteful, that cannot be fed to an animal, provided it has enough honey in it, on it or around it. A dollop of honey at the bottom of a drinking bowl is motivation enough for a dog to slurp trough the bitterest medicinal tea, for is the treasure under there not worth the bit of goo I have to lick out of the way? Of course it is, it is pure, raw, unadulterated non-irradiated food of the gods, and I’m gonna get me some.